drawing lesson.

So I'm riding with Whitney in her car and I explain that I've had yet another realization:

"Okay. I'm standing in my room and I look in my full-length mirror and I realize that I'm completely fine with my body."

"Laura, do you know you've had this realization before?"

"I have? I guess . . . I have . . ."

"Even when you started telling me that you had a new realization, I was wondering if it was going to be different than last time; but it wasn't."

"Really?"

I know she's right. But really, I'm okay with my present world of constant, (even repetitive) realizations. I think it's only natural after emerging from the thick fog of my miserable marriage. The world seems brighter. Movies are more enjoyable. I love to breathe the air. I cannot think of one thing I dislike about a growing list of people. Inconveniences seem manageable. I carry full faith that present difficulties will fade with time.

Why did acceptance of my body seem like an entirely new realization? Because I was able to accept it in a completely different way than before. I had been accepting of it as "good enough" previously; but at that moment, I was able to imagine drawing myself, like in a figure drawing class. I had never considered this concept before.

Anyone who has taken a figure drawing class can appreciate the fact that some models are more fun to draw than others. Some models seem to have this inherent beauty that makes you feel a certain responsibility as their visual interpreter. You must do them justice. Your concern moves a little beyond technical issues as you yearn to capture that beauty on paper.

I realized that I would be fun to draw.

p.s. the picture is a drawing of my favorite model from a figure drawing class at slcc.