foamy q&a.

I apologize for my absence. I promise I've had plenty to say and no time to get it out.

I started a new job on BYU campus. I am now a custodian in the chemistry building. The shift is 5 days a week, 4:30a-8:00a.

I'm on the bathroom crew. Surprisingly, this is the coveted position because I get to work with other people. I clean the sinks and mirrors while someone else cleans the toilets.

There is a certain intimacy in spending such tired hours with another person in a bathroom setting.

"I don't think that art majors should date other art majors. I dated a physics major once and it was all good for a while, but it got really boring. We were too similar; I knew it was never going anywhere."

This is Travis, the electrical engineering major that scrubs the toilets while I shine the mirrors. Dating, periods, and restroom hygiene are all typical topics of conversation during a given shift. I've seen his butt crack on numerous occasions and told him to his face. "Yeah, you're one of many girls," was his reply. He insists that I'm a "drama queen" on a regular basis.

Then there's the other bathroom team composed of Trace and Kyle. They clean the mens' bathrooms while we're doing the womens'. (We rotate bathroom gender on a weekly basis.) These guys save me in these early hours, but mostly Trace.

He's dubbed our bathroom crew as "Team Awesome." My nickname is Amphibiawesome, Travis's is Null Space, and Kyle's is Admiral Retriever who owns an adorable imaginary puppy, First Mate. Trace often imagines that the application of cleaning chemicals on bathroom surfaces is actually exploding bombs in a comic book war zone and articulates it in a dramatic action movie narration voice.
"On Thursdays...we CONSUME!"

The names of the chemicals we use are ridiculous enough to add to the drama of our fantasy cleaning world (These are the actual names):
Foamy Q&A
(really harsh, we have to pour it down the floor drains every Thursday)
Bio Bowl
(often pronounced "nab see")

On Friday, we started a new game.

"Wait Travis, I've gotta use the bathroom before we start."
I kick the door stop out and roll the cleaning cart away.

"No way, you can't do that right before he's gonna start cleaning the toilets! I think if you use a toilet right now that you have to take responsibility and clean them yourself," Trace pipes in.

"Nuh uh! It's totally the same. It's not like he's gonna be able to tell which one I used anyway."

"I bet I can!" Travis exclaims.

"Whatev." I enter the door and take care of business. When I get out, it's all arranged and the other three are poised for game time.

"Okay Laura, come and show us which one you used. Travis will stay out here."

Me, Trace, and Kyle all enter the womens' bathroom together and I silently point to the stall.

"Okay Travis, we're ready..."

He walks in contemplating with a finger near his mouth.

"Hmmmm...This one!"

Don't ask me how he got it right.


mustdestroyalltraces said...

bwahahahaha. loving this post.

especially the narrative of our little "guess the stall" game. keep it up.

p.s.--how ya' microphone sound?

c. said...

WAIT A SECOND. you're working with trace lund?! that guy rules.

mustdestroyalltraces said...

cassie? wowee wow wow. glad that we still run into each other, even if it's just in the digital world.

by the way, i just realized i never actually gave you back your asl book... and that i am a jerk.

MikeAlger said...

This post is straight out of a movie script and I love it.

mim said...

He probably know the sound each toilet makes when it flushes. Great entry!

mustdestroyalltraces said...

i needed to read this post again. it was everything i remembered and more.

mustdestroyalltraces said...

and again, i rediscover this post. oh the memories.