10.27.2009

love.

(illustration by Marcos Chin)

There is a type of love that leaves me singing first thing when I wake up in the morning and makes me think that smiling at every stranger is the only natural thing to do. It helps me feel a little more free from money and time restrictions, but I could stay awake for days on the energy it supplies if I needed to anyhow.
I often wonder what could be done for the person who is the object of my affections. I feel eager to help them with anything. I wonder if they are tired, sick, hungry, and desire to do my best to relieve any of these discomforts regardless of the obstacle. It drives me to feel bursts of sympathy towards many and kindly toward the world at large.
I laugh often. 12:02am ends up really being 1:42am. Kissing is about communicating tender affections rather than taking for oneself. Even grocery store errands become memorable. It is a love so compelling that I hardly notice I'm not listening to music/npr during my morning commute as I'm thinking of how to describe it on my blog.

I've only ever experienced this during brief periods of my life, but it absolutely does exist.

I'd learned recently to dismiss these sort of emotions as immature and false. Post-divorce, dating became largely about some sort of resumé line-up. More like: "He should have A,B, and C and then it will all work out fine." I was wrong. I believe there is something very natural and powerful about these gut-levels of love. I've learned that I can't do without them in any relationship worth pursuing.

7 comments:

mim said...

Hope you find a lasting version of that kind of love sometime soon. Hope I do too.

Naomi said...

Wow, yea, nice to know it's out there!

savoury toothed tiger said...

hey wait...are we having a DTR?

Costi said...

you've expressed your feelings so beautifully. i don't think i've reached this yet, post-divo, but now i'll have something more to work towards. i think i've also done the a, b, c thing.

Hilary-Dilary-Dock said...

I know what you mean. It is impossible to HOPE for that feeling to come when it just isn't there. There must be a glaring brightness between you and the man of your dreams. Otherwise, it is not the real deal.

Joe said...

Ouch. I'm glad I was out of the dating game before blogging really took off. These online postmortems would have been more than I could have handled.

laura said...

he knew what i was when he picked me up.