11.11.2009

man hater.


Okay. I have an idea: How about all the girls at BYU between 90-120lbs. who are virgins, not on academic probation, and have temple recommends, line up in one-piece bathing suits (because they are spiritual) in front of all single Mormon suitors? They can bear their testimonies, conduct conversations using all and any intellectual jargon they know, speak using any foreign language skills they might posses, and have a list of all of their talents, hobbies and any bands they like pinned to their backs.

Yes, today I am bitter and I don't think I can ignore it.

I feel like men (and probably not just Mormon ones) sum their dating prospects up using lists of virtues and drawbacks. It's not that I don't think girls do this or that I can't admit to never having done this myself, but it's awful when you come to realize that ALL you were to someone was that list and that it didn't quite add up.

At BYU it may be worse because there are so many girls to choose from. The grass could potentially always be greener or hotter or more spiritual or smarter.

I was sitting in class last night next to someone who's wife recently gave birth to a baby boy. He's struggled a bit to keep up and looks tired often, but I envied him. I felt reduced to the little kid's table indefinitely; like I'm forced to go back to when I was 16 years old and relive all the ways I've failed in romantic relationships until I get it right at last. I am dealing with drama and break-ups. He is building a little family. I can't help but feel a sting of failure when I see it this way.

If you're someone I've dated and you're reading this; don't take it too personally. This is a frustration that's mounted seemingly by the collection of my dating experience as a whole. There's a chance you may have added to this feeling, but you're not to blame entirely.

8 comments:

Luke said...

I agree with you, "the list" is a huge if not the major factor in so many people's relationship-based decisions. I don't think it's just BYU, but everywhere, that people have a mental list of what they think they want that they use as their love-barometer. I say think because it seems like most people's lists are based on the positive aspects of past relationships, and not necessarily what they truly want in a potential spouse.
I've realized this, and I think I've ditched a lot of my dependency on the list because of it. As a result, in some ways it's like standing on a hill slick with long wet grass, shielding my face from the pouring rain and holding up a lightning rod, waiting to be struck.
I understand why we all use lists, though. They're safe, and they're scientific.

mim said...

I love the idea of a line of virgins bearing their testimonies in one piece bathing suits. Hah! Hah! You are so funny when you are bitter that I give you permission to be bitter whenever you want.

mim said...

Also you are in good company because I am still at the kids table. I mean literally, sometimes people stick me at the kids table. (Okay, not that recently, but after I was 25.) I mean there were married 18 year olds at the adult table and I was pushing 30 and still at the kids table....weird. Anyway, the kids table is way more fun. Discussions about pokémon and world of warcraft and halo is way more fun than discussions of politics, religion, and the economy. Also, I have been known to poke people under the table. At the adult table, I get dirty looks and at the kid table, I get poked back.

I say we have a kids table at Thanksgiving and make it THE COOL place to be (with you and me there, how could it be anything but. If you have a BF, you are still welcome too.) Maybe we can play duck duck goose while we eat dessert and munch on whichever dessert we end up sitting in front of. That would be RAD!

savoury toothed tiger said...

if i could displace the blame for this horrible mindset to Disney, i believe i've been taught since childhood to search out a certain list of qualities by Jane and Michael Banks...and, i'm sorry, but you fit the bill of the perfect woman and are, therefore, irresistible:

Wanted a (girlfriend) for (one) adorable child[ren]

[Sung]
If you want this choice position
Have a cheery disposition
Rosy cheeks, no warts!
Play games, all sorts!

You must be kind, you must be witty
Very sweet and fairly pretty
Take us on outings, give us treats
Sing songs, bring sweets

Never be cross or cruel
Never give us castor oil or gruel
Love us as a (man)[son and daughter]
And never smell of barley water

If you won't scold and dominate us
We will never give you cause to hate us
We won't hide your spectacles
So you can't see
Put toads in your bed
Or pepper in your tea
Hurry, (girlfriend)!
Many thanks
Sincerely,


Jar-ed Lindsay......CLARK
[Jane and Michael...BANKS]

laura said...

Okay, admittedly, that's really sweet. I'm feeling less bitter already. Thanks Jared.

MikeAlger said...

A well chosen picture for the post

Naomi said...

ha ha, I agree! I'm quiting dating and going on a mission instead! :-) that old classic story, girl couldn't find a husband so resorted to the badge instead, lol

micemilk said...

i don't like how guys always sit right next to me on the train even though there is an open seat to the other side. get your arm and leg off of me!!! is what i think. that's when i hate men the most.