A boy in the graphic design program once told me I was a bit cold.
"Cold?! I think people would describe me as anything but that."
I pushed the topic a bit in an attempt to better understand, but he seemed uncomfortable elaborating.

During a particularly painful break-up this year I remember saying something ridiculous along the lines of, "I will recover quickly from this. I always do. This doesn't compare to what I've experienced in the past."

After I divorced, I submerged myself in school. I took 9 credits during spring term and none of them involved art. It was physical science, history, and English. I got a 3.7 and it almost killed me. During that time I never cried about my broken marriage. After a certain point I never even thought about it.

I think the rate of this pattern has only increased. Not only has my school schedule become more difficult each and every subsequent semester, but I have been dating in succession for almost exactly an entire year.

I've never even stopped long enough to feel the painful dissolve of the last relationship or what it meant to me in my life. I've attempted to be logical and rational and never let emotional things affect my work ethic.

I am not necessarily vowing to take a break from dating. (I once told my therapist that I should do this and he combated the remark with: "If you wanted to get better at baseball would you stop practicing?")
But already, this slight downtime from school and relationships has allowed me a better sense of my losses. I'll let it happen. I might even cry for once.


MiriamR said...

I guess I am cold too I don't let hard things affect my work ethic either I just figured I adapted quickly to my surroundings. Hmm maybe I should look at my coldness a little closer, thanks for sharing!

Marianna said...

I love you! You are one of the "warmest" friends I've made this year! I figure the "cold" is how we cope with things, staying busy is a way to show that we can do it all by ourselves. I tend to do that a lot. Sometimes it's good to "thaw". You are loved by many! Call me anytime!

Annie said...

Laura, I echo everything Marianna said. You're warm and sweet, and I feel all cozied up when we're together! This thaw time sounds like a pretty good thing. Call me anytime if you ever ever want to chat about anything at all. Love you!!

heidikins said...

Your emotional stresses don't have to affect your work ethic. They can fuel it and that is okay. For me, at least, it's easier to deal with something emotionally when it is a bit more removed than, say, last week. Perhaps I'm an ice-queen too?