1.12.2011

no image could do this justice.

The most beautiful girl in the world was in my high school figure drawing class. I remember trying to describe her after the first day.
"She's so beautiful the air around her stops moving."

I can't really think of how to describe her features. I'm satisfied to say that a photograph could scarcely do her justice because her posture was equally captivating. She did have: long, thick, blonde hair, full lips, an angular nose with a satisfyingly smooth point, high cheek bones, a thin, yet curvy frame. She didn't wear too much makeup. She was from a wealthy family in Alpine too. I was intimidated out of talking to her although she was a grade beneath me.

My drawings of her in class when it was her turn to model failed consistently. I was always confronted with my utter lack of capacity to capture any portion of what it was like to look at her.

In that height of all of my insecurities concerning physical appearance, I often wondered what it would be like to be that beautiful.
"Bad." I thought out of jealousy. "Probably that much boy attention would be annoying. Probably all girls would hate you."
I told myself that nobody would ever regard her personality because the overwhelming beauty would overtake whatever item of real interest there was sleeping beneath it. That obviously happened with me. The only question I ever imagined asking her was what it was like to be that attractive.

She died last November; age 26. Although she'd only been briefly ill, her health suffered from drug and alcohol abuse, is the story I was told. And to make things much worse for her family, her father died less than a month later from cancer or something like that.

I guess I don't really know what to say. I feel like I could wrap this all up with some sort of trite ending that doesn't feel fully honest.

I still want to know how it is to be that beautiful; I really do wish I could watch some version of her life unfold in a movie or a book so I could understand how things stretched toward that tragic end.

And how strange it is that I'm writing about some girl I never even really knew just because she was unbelievably gorgeous. I'm as superficial as anyone, I guess.

4 comments:

Amanda Jane said...

Nic dated her once.
I always thought she was as beautiful as she was kind, which is as good of a compliment as any.
I hope she's found some peace.

MiriamR said...

I can relate to this. I didn't know this girl and this is probably a bit off topic but this guy I knew in Junior high died a few weeks ago. He was a great person from what I could tell I knew him for a short time and haven't seen him for 10 years but he suddenly died and it struck me more than I thought it would. I probably would have written a post about him but I didn't know what to day. 26 seems so young to die. I think that is why it is lingering with me. Sorry for the random comment but your post helped me with my thoughts. Thanks.

heidikins said...

This is so heartbreakingly beautiful, and sad.

xox

Cambrie said...

Great blog Laura.

Oh, and I also enjoyed your new years resolutions. I like your honesty.