i am present.

(picture taken 1 minute before posting with 0 tries to make it look cuter)

I'm calling this my summer of sobering.
Last summer was an explosive celebration fueled by the momentum of my redemption from a tyrannical marriage. I couldn't get enough. It was glorious. It was like reaching a garden hose gushing icy water after hiking in the desert for days.
But I think the time for that sort of catharsis has passed.

In the fall I cruised forward with the same momentum. I plowed through classes and jobs and relationships without taking much time to breathe other than to thank God and my family that my life was astoundingly blessed.

This summer is joyously fun, but the fun things about it are also the sobering things. I've taken time to sit and mend some neglected relationships that I previously cruised past at warp speed. I've taken time to attempt to mend myself as I've recognized more deeply that nobody enters and exits situations like that of my former marriage unscathed.

And I'm not done. I feel daunted by the necessary progress that awaits.

My divorce used to feel like the launchpad of the beginning of the rest of my life. And although it need not be minimized, it is no longer the central trajectory point it once was. My view has shifted to focus on living this sweet summer in the present. In this moment, I am loving it.


Costi said...

my one year divo anniversary is this month. and i have been feeling exactly the same way! yay for life and life starting now!

mim said...

I know what you mean with this one. At age 32, I still have a long way to go to grow up as the person I would like to be. I think we'll both make it to where we are trying to go though.

Robin said...

I've missed reading your blog. We have converted to a different computer and it took me awhile to figure out bookmarks and such. But I am back - a faithful fan and reader of it all.

laura said...

thanks robin!

savoury toothed tiger said...

although i hide shmoolie's book inside the cover of another to hide pictures of roses and words such as "can't fall in love", "12 steps", and "Kosher sex" as i read it on subway cars - i really would recommend the rabbi's wisdom to anyone married or single.